A Hot Mess of a Day

Omg. It has really been one of those days.  Last night I had a pretty sever asthma attack but I thought I would be fine if I just got some sleep.  Mind you, I haven't had an asthma attack since I was 15 so I thought, "Eh, just wait it out.  You'll be fine"... Eh Eh.  Didn't happen.  Yesterday, I spent all morning bleaching, windexing, and washing all the things in my house so that we could finally move out and be done.  I think all the chemicals took a toll on me.  I immediately started feeling tight and congested, but I am always tight and congested so I thought it was no big deal. Then we spent the evening with our theatre friends and there were a total of four dogs running around.  Notice the recipe for disaster that was happening in my chest; first chemicals, then hair.  Not to mention all the damn stress I've been under trying to sell this damn car and get everything taken care of on the home front.  Last night, once we got back to the hotel, the tightness turned into total constriction.

So I went to bed.

Real smart.  

I hate emergency rooms.

But after I woke up sounds like Weezy from Good Times, Rob said "Now can we go to the ER".  So I went.  I had to have not 1, not 2 but THREEEEE chest treatments before the rightness would budge.  I could barely talk in complete sentences.  Yuck.  So now I have a bright and shiny new inhaler, flo-nase, the breath-into-it-and-see-how-strong-your-breath-is thing, and my least favorite of all, the prednisone steroid.  At least I only have to take it for 5 days.  I know for a fact, that it can blow you the hell up.  And yes, I do think I would sacrifice breathing in order to not gain weight.  So what. 

After all that, I was out of the hospital at 9 am and since I didn't sleep so well I decided to take a nap.  I hate naps, I always wake up feeling worse than I did before I went to sleep.  

At 3 it was time to go to play practice (where I was until 10 pm this evening.  Yep 7 hours of rehearsal), and there I put on quite the show.  One of the dresses we have to wear is SUPER tight right in my midsection.  My least favorite part of my entire body.  With my chest being tight and my breathing so short, my normal habit of sucking my stomach in until I am seconds from passing out, was impossible.  So there I was, breathing shallow, trying to dance, and wearing the tightest sequin dress in the world.  And once I found out I had to have on a mic for the whole show...I was like F*&^ this S#$^.  That mic just added an extra bulge to the whole damn thing.  

I felt it happening.  I looked down at the dress and my 5 in heels, the mic, and I just couldn't breathe.  I was literally gasping for air.  Then the tears came.  Like a little pre-madonna cry baby.  Then they came even harder because I could NOT believe that I, Shaina, was feeling this self conscious about my body.  After looking like a complete idiot, I had to sit down and get myself together.  20 minutes passed and I refused to sit there like a bumbling fool.  I put on my big girl panties, jumped back on stage, and put on that damn dress.  If anyone is going to have a problem with my body, it most certainly will NOT be me.

I still felt like crap, but I joined in and did the rest of the show with everyone else- at an easy pace of course.  As a complete side note, I really can't say enough about my theater babies.  Everyone was so considerate and trying to take care of little ole me.  Its nice to feel so safe that you can have a complete meltdown and not worry that everyone will think you're a prat! Tomorrow, I buy some tights, fake spanx, and some hotpants.

So You Don't Like Fitness? A Wineless Rant

I am currently sitting at the table in my kitchen(because there's no other furniture in my house now) and going through all kind of things.  It doesn't help that I want to drink this wine, but the movers have packed all of my damn wine bottle openers.  Warning: I think this may be a rant...

A facebook friend of mine recently posted a link to an Elite Daily article that basically calls the fitness world a cult.  The post actually goes out of its way- to the extent of using pictures- to demonstrate the authors disdainful view of the fitness world.  Am I now, or have I ever considered myself to be, a fitness guru- N to the O.  Do I, however, tend to post a serious amount of health and fitness related stuff... yes.  I'm an advocate of having a healthy lifestyle.  My gripe is with the article as a whole.  My friend, who is generally a health conscious person when it comes to being organic and things like that, is not a fan of some of the habits of people who love the gym or being fit. I have no problems with that.  My friend makes amazing points about balance and the way some people can be targeted for not being fit.  I agree, it does happen.  But I personally love all the fitspiration peeps I follow on instagram.  But that's just it.  I follow what I like.  I delete what I don't.  What I don't understand about people who complain about things other people post, is why not just delete them?  It's so simple.  I don't follow anyone who continuously posts garbage that I don't gain anything from.  And if we have been friends for BLAH years, and social media dictates that I not delete you (because it would just be mean), then I just completely hide them from my timeline.  The point I'm making is that the author of this article unfairly attacks the fitness world.  

If you've followed me for a while, you know that I am obsessed with people, especially women, having a positive body image and trying to uplift each other; regardless of their body types.  I am an advocate of loving yourself completely.  I can see where the article was trying to go, but it failed horribly.  Instead of making non-worker-outters feel better about themselves, which was the intended purpose, it just shamed people who DO workout. Right down to posting a picture of a woman with muscles with the caption "gross".  WTF is wrong with you chick?  What gives you the right to talk shit about anyone's body, especially if they've spent this much time and energy working on it.  If someone put that much work into getting a Phd or having a great marriage, people would be applauding.  And no, I'm not implying that getting a Phd is on the same level as having a fit body, but hell, I've been working towards a fit body for like 5 years and I can't seem to make it happen.  Took me 2 years to get a Masters lol, and I didn't even crack a sweat.  You love what you love, and some people love fitness.  Get over it.  

Again, it's not for everyone.  And yes, some people are naturally skinny and make it look easy.  It ain't booboo.  But you can be skinny and unhealthy.  I follow people who post recipes, inspiration, and motivation.  I love to see people getting healthy.  I also love knowing that other people are struggling in the ways that I am.  Does this struggle keep me from living my life? No.  I still eat, I love food, and wine is always needed.  But I AM conscientious about what I put in my body, and once upon a time I spent umpteen hours in the gym, and I would love to get to that point of dedication again.  

Huge sigh.  I told you it would be a rant.  I know that everyone doesn't agree with everything I post on facebook and that is fine.  I myself prefer to write my own damn blog instead of engaging in a social media battle about bullshit.  In truth, I probably wouldn't even have given a damn if I wasn't so mad about this wine bottle.  

I'm off to get a knife.  Looks like I'll be drinking cork wine tonight...

Then off to the gym tomorrow...

And I'm going to post pictures of it...

I will also add a gazillion #hashtags #SoWhat #Boom

And I dare someone to comment on it....except my friends Dylan and Sean... because they are assholes and they love to rile me up!  Bring it on boys!